FROM AN ALUMNUS

However, it also frequently happened that I almost wet my pants laughing; on the inside of course, because it was my duty to be strict. Below are some of my favorite excuses that I have heard over the years.

D-day

On Wednesday night a baritone player entered the rehearsal. He was late and walked to his spot and said to his instructor “today I am not in the mood to play music, I will only play the note d”. After being lectured about being on time, the rehearsal started. Believe it or not, he only played the d’s in the music. He skipped all the other notes and even got the timing perfectly right. Eventually it became annoying so his instructor said “You are driving me crazy. Get out!” He packed his stuff and said “have a nice rehearsal”, walked to the bar and ordered a cola.

Bridge was open

This doesn’t seem like a very original excuse, but in this case it was. When I asked why the member was late, he replied: “I wanted to drive out of my street but the bridge was open. I had to wait for 30 minutes because a big sailboat had to pass through. After that three more boats had to pass”. When I replied: “Don’t you live in the center of Hilversum?” he answered: “Darn it. In that case I have been sleeping and I dreamt that this was the reason that I am late”.

Had to eat first

This one was quite annoying, especially because back then I had to drive all the way from Amsterdam. Sometimes I found myself speeding just to be on time. I always had to rush to be on time. One day, a member who was not too well-behaved was late yet again.

“Why are you so late”, I asked him. “Well, I just came out of work and first I need to eat quietly. After that I’m ready to come to the rehearsal. I even skipped my dessert”. For this particular member, this incident was the final drop. I said: “Do you know? Go back home and clean your instrument, eat your dessert and then come back to hand over your stuff”. When I later told the corps that he was going to leave us, many people were relieved.

Bringing slippers to grandpa

When somebody was asked why he was late, he replied: “Well, my grandpa suffers from cold feet and when I got home he called my mom to ask if I could bring his slippers over”. When the instructor said: “that doesn’t have to take two hours, does it?” he replied “Well, you have to know that my grandpa is dead, and so I had to go all the way up to heaven to bring his slippers. I think I did a great job, doing that in just two hours”.

I feel sick and I have a headache

This is a well known excuse on training weekend. But members seem to forget that I saw them partying and drinking and staying up way too late the previous night. I told them what my father always told me: “A man in the evening; a man in the morning.” During the rehearsal the tempo was ticked on a woodblock approximately 10 centimeters away from their ears. Believe me, the next day they would not think about drinking too much or going to bed so late. And if they did, they kept mouths shut and worked hard nevertheless.

And what about excuses in which the member is convinced that it is actually a good excuse, but it isn’t?

A member came to the training field and said: “Henk, can you talk to my parents, because they won’t let me attend the next three weeks because my grades are bad. I think it’s ridiculous but I can’t do anything about it”. Instead of going with him and talking to his parents I said “You fool, you have to work harder at school. With Beatrix’ you can’t make money, you have to have a real job. You just have to plan and make sure that you get your act together. This is bad for you and for the corps. I think your parents are right!” He was stunned that I didn’t help him. A nice side-effect was that his parents appreciated that we took their son’s school life so seriously. He was allowed to attend again after a week, and he studied hard enough to get good grades.

This is just a small selection of the many encounters I have had. Who knows, maybe some more will follow in the future.

Henk